mid week top 10 status updates- - week 39

10 .If you were my husband I'd poison your coffee." "If you were my wife, I'd drink it!"

9. When you watch Jaws backwards, it becomes a touching story about a lonely shark that vomits up so many people that they have to open a beach

8."Doctor, Doctor! Whenever I look in the mirror I feel violently ill. What's wrong with me?" "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

7.I decided to cancel my Twitter account.I don't want to sound paranoid, but I'm pretty sure people are following me.

6.TRUST is the most important part of a relationship.You must be 100% sure she wont tell your wife.

5.Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.

4.Money means nothing to be. If you don't believe me, ask me for money. You'll get nothing.

3.Hey hottie ,come inside, shut the door, drop your pants, and satisfy your needs....... Sincerely, THE TOILET!!!!!!!!!!

2.If you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to ask someone else first.

1.If it's free, it's advice. If you pay for it, it's counseling. If you can use either one, it's a miracle.